Our experience of life is influenced by how we interpret events, conversations, other peoples’ behaviors and even our own thoughts.
The context or perspective we choose determines the thoughts we have about something,
which determines our feelings, which ultimately determines our behavior and the outcome.
One of the most difficult perspectives to shift is how we interpret what other people say and do. This is especially true when we are actually the subject of their behavior or their behavior or words are directed at us. When someone lies about you, talks about you behind your back, yells at you, is mean to you, cheats, steals, deceives, abandons or any other of many words that can be inserted here, it REALLY feels personal. It hurts, it may be confusing, there is an impact and it down right pisses us off. In no way does it feel like it’s not about us. But it’s not. It never is.
People’s behavior is 100% about them.
If people treat you poorly (or even when they are nice and give you a compliment), it is all about them. Their words and their actions are solely based on their own stories, insecurities, motives, limiting beliefs and all of their experiences that have brought them to this point.
In his book, “The Four Agreements”, Don Miguel Ruiz does a wonderful job discussing how not taking things personally is a key to your freedom and happiness. (I highly recommend this book if you haven’t read it).
Understanding that none of it has anything to do with you is your ticket to peace and relief from suffering.
Furthermore, when someone is speaking to you, they are not actually even responding to you personally. They are responding to their interpretation and viewpoints about what they think you said or did. Often times their response is already formulated before you’re even done talking.
This is a difficult context to embrace, especially in the moment when you’re upset about something. It is normal to feel sad and angry at first but the sooner we can let go of the idea that it’s about us, the sooner we can find relief from those unpleasant emotions.
From there, we can start to explore the idea of bringing compassion and understanding to the situation. I do not mean condoning certain behaviors or not setting boundaries. I mean, taking a step back and finding compassion for whatever is inside that person that has them behave that way. Finding compassion in a moment that you feel you’ve been wronged is an elevation of your energy that will only enhance your experience of the moment.
Remember, just as their behavior is about them, your responses and interpretations are about you and have nothing to do with them.
This is where you find your power. This is where you and only you say how your life is going to be.
This practice takes time to cultivate and is not easy. But it is truly the way to find peace and take back the power you have given others to rob you of an amazing life.
