What are Values?
You are likely familiar with the idea of core or personal values. What exactly are they?
In essence, our values are a core set of beliefs and priorities that each of us hold. These beliefs determine what types of things are most important to us in life and they help to guide our decisions and behaviors.
Our values arise from many sources including our past experiences, our families, communities, religious organizations, schools, and friends. Sometimes we may not know where a value came from, or if it is truly our own. We may hold values that we think we ‘should’ based on our teachings, but don’t truly agree with in our heart.
It can be confusing when trying to discern what our values actually are. Following are a few examples of many values that people hold: Abundance, achievement, beauty, communication, connecting to others, creativity, environment, family, freedom, friendship, fun, honesty, integrity, loyalty, orderliness, personal growth, partnership, and physical appearance. There are no rules around what constitutes a value so any concept or area that would define what is important to you in your life.
With almost all of our daily experiences, interactions, and decisions, our values are at play.
Usually we are not aware of them and how we live is just natural for us. When life is consistent with our values, life is easy. It flows smoothly and we feel content, satisfied, at peace and that things are “as they should be”.
Where we notice our values, is when they are either not present or something goes against them. To us, our values are often seen as “the right way” and it can be difficult to understand or accept when someone does not share our values. There may be a lot of judgement around other people when that happens and they are often deemed to be wrong.
As examples: If you do not have a strong value around physical appearance, you may judge poorly someone who does. If you have a strong value around family, you may not understand how keeping in touch with extended family is just not important to your friend. And if someone has a value around financial stability, you may see them as greedy or materialistic when it may not be that at all.
There are cases where certain values are so strong that anyone not in agreement may be viewed as immoral or illegal. Those extremes aside, understanding how someone differs in their values could lead to less upset and more acceptance of their choices. Clarity around their behaviors and priorities can foster improved communication, fewer arguments, and even save relationships. Even if we don’t agree with them, it can help to make sense of things and alleviate our need to make them wrong.
For your own personal growth and development, it can be very useful to do some exploration and gain understanding around your own values. It will help you to discern why you do what you do and how you react to others. This awareness allows you to pause and choose your response versus having an upset reaction that you have no control over.
As one area of coaching, I do a values assessment with my clients. We look at their top values and explore how these values are or are not present in their life and the resulting impact. Where we see our values are missing, we can take conscious, decisive action towards increasing those values which helps with decision making and overall happiness.
